I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
