Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
