I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
