I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize