I just threw up on my dentist
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
