Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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