stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
