So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Couch. On fire.
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