I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
