We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
