she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
