I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
