Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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