my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
