Please, let me fuck your mom
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
