i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize