That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
