I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
