So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
