Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
