Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
