you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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