Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
