good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
