bring money and cleavage
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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