i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
