you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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