my mouth tastes like poor choices
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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