Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
