your thong is hanging out like whoa
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize