Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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