...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I did not marry a roomba.
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