I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
