I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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