dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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