I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize