but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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