we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
