i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
