Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
