So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
