Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
