Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
