ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
