Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
