okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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