no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
