so explain again why im purple
no
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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