let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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