Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Your cock deserves a montage
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
