this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
