If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
