Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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