I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
