I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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