Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
