Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
