How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
