Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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