You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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