shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
