i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
