cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
do herpes really smell.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
