Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
