How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
