I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
