I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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