I wish they made helmets for livers.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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