bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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