so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
