the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize