You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
