remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
