Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
