it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
