ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
