he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
