life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
