I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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