I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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