standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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