Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
