I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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