I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
