That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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