I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
